I dare you to tell me to walk through fire Wear my soul and call me a liar

Recently I have had a couple of dreams about fire that I have been thinking a lot about. I came across this interesting take that I thought was insightful:

The dream of Fire suggests that you are in the process of experiencing its more challenging aspects. It is very difficult but also necessary to face our passions head on and ask ourselves the question “Why do I feel so strongly about this – is it justifiable?” In taking up the challenge it is important we quite literally fight fire with fire as it takes a lot of spiritual energy and will to recognise where a heart felt feeling is no more than ego arrogance, or indeed to locate those passions that are valuable to our quest. Remember that when we compress the value of fire(301) we get the number four, the symbol of the earth and solidity. This should remind you that when negotiating this difficult path it is always easier to walk when we keep our feet on the ground.

To fully benefit from this dream requires two distinct responses. On the hand it is important to develop an appreciation of the nature of passion and emotion, at the same time it is a real mark of development when one can feel a certain passion and emotional response to the most simple of tasks. It is all too easy to forget that the divine is fundamentally a force of love. In order to fully link with our own higher self we must be able to deal with a whole range of emotions. Even more we must be able to understand our emotional responses.

I'm absolutely definite absolutely positive Absolutely definitely positively representative

What we did after the engagement party:

1. Went back to Mo's house and had a slumber party where we did not slumber until late. We flung off shoes and unravelled saris in record time.
2. Soaked poor shrunken feet in bathtub. Exfoliation and application of soothing lotion ensued.
3. Everyone was hungry: the boys stopped for hot chocolate and timbits. Failed to tell us. Mo and I make cheese bread.
4. Roobie, P-unit, and Meepers play X box very loudly, while Mo, Nina and I eat aforementioned cheese bread.
5. We stumble to bed in the early hours of the morning.
6. I conduct a morning yoga class for Amanda and Meepers. I lose my yogi composure as Meepers struggles with the half moon pose. He asks me if we can start with with the easy first pose. I tell him this IS the easy first pose. He looks at me shocked.
7. We all get decent and head for brunch to the White Spot. We try to make a reservation for the 9 of us, however, Mo is told by the White Spot representative on the phone that they did not take reservations. Mo inquires regarding possible waiting times. She is informed by the representative, 'I cannot tell the future.'. Non-telepathic powers confirmed.
8. Arrival at said restaurant where bad service ensues in a variety of ways, but still manage to have fun. Little kid at next table has tantrum and tries to overturn table. Table items fall on floor.
9. We exit and hit the Walmart. The boys try to lose us so they can shop for a $2000 camera with a remote flash. Apparently a detachable flash is a selling point. We find them at the electronics counter at LD. Physcial contact with cameras are made. Boys are drooling.
10. We debate about said cameras on the way home.

I have included pics below of White Spot adventures. People get a little crazy when they are hungry........

Mo letting her fork slip just a little....while P-unit is loving the photo op.

Sat, Meepers, and Roobie. They spontaeoulsy posed this way when I told them to 'get closer'.

I hope you enjoyed as much as we enjoyed.

Old Mr. Webster could never define what's being said between your heart and mine

October 20th was Mo (my beautiful friend) andParm's engagement ceremony/celebration. We had lots of fun and danced the until our feet were sore (due to lack of sensible shoes). I was having some hair issues that day.

Mo looking gorgeous. When I took this photo, I thought she looked so much like her mom when she was young. I think this is my favorite pic of Mo.

The cameraman and photographer creating cinematographic (is that a word??) memories. I'm afraid of how many times that light was shining right in my face.

Nina and I!

Mo and one of the honorable maids, Dee.
Parm and Mo. Together, but posing separately for pictures. I like it.

Sail on silvergirl Sail on by Your time has come to shine All your dreams are on their way

Tonight was a special night because I got to spend it with my best friend. During dinner she mentioned to me how I had not 'updated' my blog in quite a while. She is right. I explained to her why and she understood. I have sat down to write here a few times and nothing would come to me. Not that I have nothing to write about, but because so much is in my head that I don't know where to begin. So I begin searching for something to write about that's safe…. And I mean literally searching. Searching for a 'safe' topic and have something to show for it. But for some reason, and a good reason I'm thinking now, it never seems to happen. Maybe I am just one of those people who can't kid themselves…. Even when it comes to blog entries.


However, tonight's inspiration comes from my best friend. She who knows me, she who loves me. I tell her often that no one loves me like she does. She disagrees with me on that. In fact, it is true. She has a unique way of loving me. She knows when and how to comfort me, when not many do. She shows me the truth when my fears overcome me. When I feel like I have nothing to give, she reminds me of my endless capacity to continue. When I am in the midst of something difficult, she tells me that she is proud of me. And in the end I know I will be alright. She tells me she loves me when I need to hear it the most. Most of the time I know she probably doesn't even realize this, but it's true. We are blessed that we've shared a part of our youth together and have seen each other through to the 'young women' that we are today. I picture that when we are old and gray, that we still have each other, that we will walk down the street arm in arm, just like we do now.

I walked across an empty land I knew the pathway like the back of my hand I felt the earth beneath my feet Sat by the river and it made me complete

Adventures @ Bear Creek Park

On recent excursions, my iPod and I came across some magical spots worthy of note.


View through the bridge connecting the North and South ends of the park.

Resting place in the gardens.

You're a boy and I'm a girl you know you can lean on me And I don't have no fear I'll take on any man here who says that's not the way it should be

Champions aren't made in gyms. Champions are made from something they have deep inside them: A desire, a dream, a vision. They have to have last-minute stamina, they have to be a little faster, they have to have the skill and the will. But the will must be stronger than the skill.

~Muhammad ALI

And through it all She offers me protection A lot of love and affection Whether I'm right or wrong

My cousin Shaft and my mom @ Victoria Harbour.

Shaft's mom (my Aunt) and I @ Butchart Gardens.

When it feels like my dreams are so far Sing to me of the plans that you have for me over again

"IF YOU DO NOT HOPE, YOU WILL NOT FIND WHAT IS BEYOND YOUR HOPES"

Cause if you will, I will Try to let it go And if you try, I'll try Try to let it show

Happy Birthday to my cousin Preeya. She told me that she is six years old. I asked her if she was the 'special person' at school today. She said she was. She is very special to me because she is really the only child I have known since she was born. And the first time I got a glimpse of what a mother must feel towards their child. I don't know what that's like from first hand experience, but I feel that need to protect and her hurts seem to be magnified way above my own.

If I am ever blessed with a child, I hope he/she will look at me the way Preeya looks at her mom. I am lucky that I have so many great examples of mothers around me.

I have a lot to say, but sometimes it's when you have a lot to say that you can't find the words to express it. This is one of those.... sometimes I guess you have to be okay with that until you find the words or until the words find you.

Tell me what we got, tell me it's a lot, tell me it's the real thing Tell me not to change and always be the same, tell me that's a good thing

Today this man walked into my office and asked me if I could help him. He said that he had a friend in another country who was a nurse and wanted to come to Canada. I told him that I could give him the info for the appropriate person to contact. I had to repeat myself a couple of times because he was hard of hearing. He told me he wasn't very good at talking on the phone so would it be okay if he could talk to someone face to face. Now normally, we don't really have meetings with people who walk in off the street without an appointment. He continued to tell me that he would wait however long it would take for someone to be free. To tell you the truth, if it was anyone else, I would have told them to call the number but this man looked so sincere and almost desperate. I told him I would go and look to see if the consultant was free and ask her to come out to talk to him. I turned to open the door to go and find someone. As I turned my back to him he said, 'Please do the best that you can.' It was almost like my conscience was speaking to me. So I went and found the person and told her what the situation was. She kind of gave me a snicker (not in a bad way). She came out with me and escorted the man to her office to talk with him. I saw him leaving and then he came over to my desk and said thank you. It was a little odd because he was standing off to the corner. I stood up and looked and him and I saw that his eyes were filled with tears that started streaming down his face. I could see the appreciation in his eyes. A true moment. I made sure he looked at me and I said 'you're welcome'. He turned away and I said 'have a good day'. As he walked away he said, 'you have a good day too'.

Later, the consultant that the old man talked to asked me if he said thank you to me. She said that he told her that he wanted to thank me. I told her that he did and that he cried.

I hope he will be reunited with his friend some day soon.

And I will turn off And I will shut down Burying the voices of my conscience hitting ground

When I worked for the Ministry doing workshops in schools, I used to get a lot of letters, card, artwork from students. I have kept it all. There is this one poem that I got from a group of elementary school students after we had visited their school. They put this poem on yellow construction paper and decorated it. They also all signed the back. I have always kept this poem close to me, in fact, I've always put it near my desk at work since. So, I'm going to share it here too because it serves as a reminder to me to not lose myself in the midst of what I do or am trying to become. Ironically, sometimes it's so easy to lose yourself when you are in the process of 'becoming'-- if that makes sense.

THE MAN IN THE GLASS

When you get what you want in your struggle for self

And the world makes you King for a day,

Just go to a mirror and look at yourself

And see what THAT man has to say.

For it isn't your father or mother or wife

Whose judgement upon you must pass,

The fellow whose verdict counts most in you life

Is the one staring back from the glass.

Some people might think you're a straight-shootin' chum

And call you a wonderful guy.

But the man in the glass says you're only a bum

If you can't look him straight in the eye

He's the fellow to please, never mind all the rest

For he's with you clear to the end

And you've passed your most dangerous test

If the guy in the glass is your friend.

You may fool the whole world down the pathway of years

And get pats on the back as you pass

But your final reward will be heartache and tears

If you've cheated the man in the glass.

I want to believe there's something to believe I would live only just to believe I'd love to believe It's not only me that's longing.....to believe

A Man sees in the world what he carries in his heart

-Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

I'm gonna muster every ounce of confidence I have And cannonball into the water

I read something at the beginning of this past week and have had it in the back of my mind, measuring my life experiences this week to it. Some of what I had on my mind this week was clarified when I read a commencement address given by Steve Jobs in 2005.

Warning: this post is lengthy, but I think anyone who reads it will be provoked to think and be inspired like I was.

For those who are not aware, this month is the 30th anniversary of the first Apple computer. And for those of you who aren't aware of who Steve Jobs is- he is a co-founder of Apple Computers and current CEO of Apple and Pixar Animation Studios. I read a commencement address that he gave to the Stanford grads last year. Very inspiring. It's funny how we 'know' people because of what they do and what they appear to be. Reading his commencement address reminded me that there is always a history and journey behind every appearance. Also, on a personal note, when you truly search for answers, you receive them in the most amazing and unexpected ways.

I have included parts of the address here that related to some of my questions/thoughts/experiences (in italics) this week:

The way in which you come into the world is significant:

The first story is about connecting the dots.

I dropped out of Reed College after the first 6 months, but then stayed around as a drop-in for another 18 months or so before I really quit. So why did I drop out?

It started before I was born. My biological mother was a young, unwed college graduate student, and she decided to put me up for adoption. She felt very strongly that I should be adopted by college graduates, so everything was all set for me to be adopted at birth by a lawyer and his wife. Except that when I popped out they decided at the last minute that they really wanted a girl. So my parents, who were on a waiting list, got a call in the middle of the night asking: "We have an unexpected baby boy; do you want him?" They said: "Of course." My biological mother later found out that my mother had never graduated from college and that my father had never graduated from high school. She refused to sign the final adoption papers. She only relented a few months later when my parents promised that I would someday go to college.

I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life and no idea how college was going to help me figure it out. And here I was spending all of the money my parents had saved their entire life. So I decided to drop out and trust that it would all work out OK. ...The minute I dropped out I could stop taking the required classes that didn't interest me, and begin dropping in on the ones that looked interesting.

I didn't have a dorm room, so I slept on the floor in friends' rooms, I returned coke bottles for the 5¢ deposits to buy food with, and I would walk the 7 miles across town every Sunday night to get one good meal a week at the Hare Krishna temple. I loved it. And much of what I stumbled into by following my curiosity and intuition turned out to be priceless later on.
Of course it was impossible to connect the dots looking forward when I was in college. But it was very, very clear looking backwards ten years later.

So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something — your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.


What/who incites your passion?:

.........I had just turned 30. And then I got fired. How can you get fired from a company you started?

The heaviness of being successful was replaced by the lightness of being a beginner again, less sure about everything. It freed me to enter one of the most creative periods of my life.
During the next five years, I started a company named NeXT, another company named Pixar, and fell in love with an amazing woman who would become my wife.

I'm pretty sure none of this would have happened if I hadn't been fired from Apple. It was awful tasting medicine, but I guess the patient needed it. Sometimes life hits you in the head with a brick.

....You've got to find what you love. And that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it. So keep looking until you find it. Don't settle.


Nothing is worth more than this day:

When I was 17, I read a quote that went something like: "If you live each day as if it was your last, someday you'll most certainly be right."... for the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: "If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?" And whenever the answer has been "No" for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.

Because almost everything — all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure - these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.

About a year ago I was diagnosed with cancer.... I was sedated, but my wife, who was there, told me that when they viewed the cells under a microscope the doctors started crying because it turned out to be a very rare form of pancreatic cancer that is curable with surgery. I had the surgery and I'm fine now.

... Death is very likely the single best invention of Life. It is Life's change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new. Right now the new is you, but someday not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away.

Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.

Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.


To read Steve Jobs' commencement address to the Stanford graduating class of 2005 in full, click below:

The first Apple computer
circa 1976.

And I'll steal you something pretty You'll say 'Man, well aren't I lucky? I've found myself a crooked lady'

Discovery: One of my summer posts was published on Blog Carnival. I think I'm on my way to BLOGGYWOOD....

http://office-max.blogcarnival.com/archives/2005/08/it_takes_no_tim.html

If anyone is wondering.... yes, I have acquired a printer now. No more printer woes.

I watch the proverbial sun rise coming up over the Pacific and You might think I'm losing my mind but I will shy away from the specifics

This weekend I was going through some of my papers and memoribilia. What a walk down memory lane. It's funny how we put meaningful things away sometimes and then proceed to forget about them with time. It's sure nice to re-visit when we find them again.

I found this email to my family that I sent to my brother when I was in Australia. When I came back, he gave me this copy of the letter so I could have it as a memory. I think back to the moment I was writing it-- I felt like I had so much to say but so little time to say it, hence all the short sentences. That made me laugh. The memory of this letter made me feel good. 

Take what's bringing you down Let it go, let it go, let it go Who's hurting you now? Let it go, let it go, let it go

I was having a conversation with my mom this past week, and she said something to me that enlightened me. I don't use the word enlightened very often, but in this case I believe it is fitting. As a result of an issue I was expressing to her, she was talking to me about people who have difficult personalities; personalities that do not appear to adapt or change. Personalities that even appear to be ungiving at times. I was expressing my frustration to her on this topic, and she said something to me that humbled and eased my feelings. Not only that, but it exhaulted me to another level of thinking.

What she said: some people experience negatives things in their life that change parts of them forever. They may hurt others and not even realize it because the hurt they have suffered has changed the way they feel about themselves. It's hard for people like that to change. They might not know as much as you do.... and you know more. They may never change, but the next time you are in that situation, you can change the way you deal with that person. And then, just let it go.

This may sound like fairly simple advice, but I will tell you what effect it had on me. When someone has such high expectations and faith that you can be giving and selfless, it gives you power--even in a situation where apathy towards another person would seem justified. In that moment, I realized the high regard my mom had for me. And when you feel that, you can understand the most difficult people by understanding yourself a little more. It's easy to forget how intimately tied we are to other humans, even the ones that we have issues with. It's through that intimacy that we learn some of the most important life lessons, I think.

It was a long month without my mom. I'm glad that she is finally home.

So just call me whenever you're lonely I'll be your friend, I can be your homey

Tim Tams are all the rage in Australia. Fiji too. My brother put in a request to my mom to bring back some of these chocolate biscuit delights. This request resulted in my uncle in NZ sending 9 packages. That's the kind of guy he is. I think the quantity will do fine. Some Tim Tam history for those who want to know more:

"Tim Tam biscuits first hit supermarket shelves in 1964. They were named after a horse that won the Kentucky Derby in 1958. A member of the Arnott family, Ross Arnott, attended the race day and decided ‘Tim Tam’ was the perfect name for his new biscuit. The chocolate used to make Tim Tam biscuits has been specially developed by Arnott’s to give a slightly caramel taste. The cream flavour is a delicate mixture of vanilla, butter and chocolate that complements the biscuit base and the chocolate. It’s this unique cream which sets Tim Tam apart from any other chocolate biscuit."

If any of you want to taste a Tim Tam, let me know. I have four packages myself and quite frankly, I can't eat them all. It tastes better when you share. My mom does always say, 'sharing is caring.' I guess that holds true for Tim Tams as well.

I dare you to move I dare you to move I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor

"ONE HUNDRED PERCENT OF THE SHOTS YOU DON'T TAKE DON'T GO IN."

-Wayne GRETZKY

And I see all of your creations as one perfect complex No one less beautiful or more special than the next

Prelude: Laura and I just wrote a poem together. She couldn't sleep so she suggested and I obliged. I haven't written poetry in a long time.

On Secret Laughter

Bellows in the hollows of my chest rotate my particular tastes

Merry cries of delight roll up my throat and fly out my mouth
Floating into hungry ears and tickling those who dare to delve

Deep into mirth, into joy, and amusement
And out of the merry- go- round of mediocrity

We emerge.

Your eyes twinkle like Pa's and I know that we have shared something more than laughter.

We emote.

Your eyes tell me a story that I pen into my heart.

Postcript: The road to peace is CREATION.

Everybody seems to be getting what they need where's mine? Cause you're what I need so very but I'm anything but ordinary.....

Today I heard something....I don't remember where I heard it or who said it or the history of it, but it goes like this: If you accept that there's no such thing as an ordinary day, then life won't appear to be so stressful.

So, as I mull over this one for a few moments, I think the logic here would follow that each day is extraordinary. Bigger than we know or can imagine. I like that thought. Surrender to the extraordinary....