I don't know what it is But I know it's amazing, you save me My time is coming And I'll find my way out of this longest drought It feels like today

I am sitting here in my bed. I’m warm, calm, and feel semi-productive. Contemplative. Lately I have realized that being contemplative is a luxury. The business and busyness of life doesn’t always allow you to look out that window at something that is still.


When I lived with my parents, I used to sit at my desk in my room and look out the window a lot. I found myself doing this quite often. I wasn’t look at something in particular. I didn’t need to see anything. If I may attempt to describe, it was more of looking outside into the world for something fulfilling I had not yet found. It was looking toward something, reinforcing to myself that it existed and it was there waiting for me. It was also a way of meditation. It was a way to daydream. It was a comfort to look out that window and “see” all the possibilities of life no matter what was happening to me at that time.

There are always possibilities and life to appreciate. I can see myself sitting in that chair and looking out the window with every wish and hope that I had for myself. I still carry them all with me. I may have a different window now, but what I see is familiar. We should never lose sight of the things that we wish for ourselves. It is one of the most eloquent practices of love that we experience within.

Here’s to a Season full of wishes come true and a New Year of discovery outside your window.

I know that you said to me "This is how exactly it should feel when it's meant to be" Time is wasting so why wait for eventually?

The truth is, life is very different now than it used to be. In a little over a year, this guy I knew a lifetime ago, walked into my life. Then I flew half way across the country so see him for the first time in two years. We already knew we’d spend the rest of our lives together. We met each others’ families. He proposed to me at the place we first met. I made plans to move to Halifax and I quit my job. We then realized we belonged in Vancouver and then given a great opportunity to stay here. We planned a wedding and now we are married.

My head spins.

The past makes even more sense now. I am glad I figured it out. Thank you, faith. I learned the hard things I had to learn about myself in order to be worthy of the kind of life partner I wanted. I have a greater understanding of what love means to me. We watch movies, read books, and listen to songs about it. We might even look it up on Wiki. But what is our personal definition of love? What does love mean to you? What am I willing to do/not do for the sake of love? What will I do today for love, even if I feel unloved? What will I do today, for the one that I will be with forever, but have not met? How is the love I give to others connected to the love I give myself? These are questions I have asked myself once I was ready to bring love back into my life. However, these questions we have to keep asking ourselves. It’s the only way to keep love alive.

Five years ago today, I met my future husband. Little did I know then what obstacles would lay before me and the bright future that would be waiting on the other side. Today, I say thank you to all who have supported me in love and honesty.

Five years ago at this time, I was driving into downtown Vancouver to the Boathouse. When I walked into that restaurant and sat down beside a guy named Daman Beatty, little did I know how my life would change.

Five years later, is the beginning of something new.

It's okay when there's nothing more to say to me And the peaceful quiet you create for me And the way you keep the world at bay for me

This weekend I made the big trek to Surrey to spend with my parents. I haven’t seen my parents in about a month. It was nice to sleep in my old bed in my old room. The familiarity is a comfort. That is what is nice about your parents’ home. You always feel comfort and safety there. I wish everyone could feel that way.




I had a great weekend visiting with my family. I miss my mom. There are a lot of things I am realizing now that I am on my own and have responsibilities that I didn’t have living with my parents. I am so lucky to have the kind of parents that I have. They have made my life a lot easier and have helped me to live the life I now live. Once I was such a big presence in my mom’s life and now I am not so much. I guess the presence is just different. I sat in my mom’s room as she was getting ready and she said to me, ‘So how’s life?’. It felt really strange for a second when she asked me that. I think because it felt like she was talking to me as not only her daughter, but as a friend. Almost like her equal!



My mom is such an amazing woman. She’s taught me everything I know. Her influence is quite apparent in everything that I do now that I have my own home and the responsibility to take care of my soon to be husband. I know what to do from watching her. If only she knew how much. I think she does by seeing how happy I am and how much my life has changed in the last short while. I also know, now more than ever, that I still need my mother.


When I came back home from my weekend away, Daman told me that whenever I come home, there is a calm and peace. He said that’s what happens when you are an angel. That’s what happens when you walk in the warmth of your mother’s love.

So you're doing better now Everybody comes around But you really don't need em Cuz you're stronger and you're better and you're ready for whatever

Writing has always been an important style of expression for me. I do it with my mind firmly planted in truth. It is paramount to the kinds of things that I reflect on and write about in my blog. A time came when I found it increasingly difficult to express and ‘think out loud’ in the midst of personal battles. It was kind of like writer’s block….. but isn’t writer’s block usually just a term used to cover the real issue the writer has? In my case, I think it was. The truth is I lost the inspiration to write because of challenging life experiences. The inspiration was lost because I felt unable to be authentic in my writing. However, after the learning process, I am back to doing what I love to do: sharing my thoughts and experiences through the written word.

For those of you who are new readers to my blog, a short intro: Every blog entry title are lyrics from a song that inspires me or has some significance to the entry. Sometimes it is just a song that playing in the background while I am writing. This is a way to share my music in a lyrical form. Other than that, there is nothing else to know.

As for the physical blog, I will be changing it over the next few weeks as time permits to create something new. So please bear with me – I’ve become rusty with the html!

I look forward to bringing my experiences from the last couple of years to 2010 – a new decade. Here’s to a good year for all.