I know that you said to me "This is how exactly it should feel when it's meant to be" Time is wasting so why wait for eventually?

The truth is, life is very different now than it used to be. In a little over a year, this guy I knew a lifetime ago, walked into my life. Then I flew half way across the country so see him for the first time in two years. We already knew we’d spend the rest of our lives together. We met each others’ families. He proposed to me at the place we first met. I made plans to move to Halifax and I quit my job. We then realized we belonged in Vancouver and then given a great opportunity to stay here. We planned a wedding and now we are married.

My head spins.

The past makes even more sense now. I am glad I figured it out. Thank you, faith. I learned the hard things I had to learn about myself in order to be worthy of the kind of life partner I wanted. I have a greater understanding of what love means to me. We watch movies, read books, and listen to songs about it. We might even look it up on Wiki. But what is our personal definition of love? What does love mean to you? What am I willing to do/not do for the sake of love? What will I do today for love, even if I feel unloved? What will I do today, for the one that I will be with forever, but have not met? How is the love I give to others connected to the love I give myself? These are questions I have asked myself once I was ready to bring love back into my life. However, these questions we have to keep asking ourselves. It’s the only way to keep love alive.

Five years ago today, I met my future husband. Little did I know then what obstacles would lay before me and the bright future that would be waiting on the other side. Today, I say thank you to all who have supported me in love and honesty.

Five years ago at this time, I was driving into downtown Vancouver to the Boathouse. When I walked into that restaurant and sat down beside a guy named Daman Beatty, little did I know how my life would change.

Five years later, is the beginning of something new.

It's okay when there's nothing more to say to me And the peaceful quiet you create for me And the way you keep the world at bay for me

This weekend I made the big trek to Surrey to spend with my parents. I haven’t seen my parents in about a month. It was nice to sleep in my old bed in my old room. The familiarity is a comfort. That is what is nice about your parents’ home. You always feel comfort and safety there. I wish everyone could feel that way.




I had a great weekend visiting with my family. I miss my mom. There are a lot of things I am realizing now that I am on my own and have responsibilities that I didn’t have living with my parents. I am so lucky to have the kind of parents that I have. They have made my life a lot easier and have helped me to live the life I now live. Once I was such a big presence in my mom’s life and now I am not so much. I guess the presence is just different. I sat in my mom’s room as she was getting ready and she said to me, ‘So how’s life?’. It felt really strange for a second when she asked me that. I think because it felt like she was talking to me as not only her daughter, but as a friend. Almost like her equal!



My mom is such an amazing woman. She’s taught me everything I know. Her influence is quite apparent in everything that I do now that I have my own home and the responsibility to take care of my soon to be husband. I know what to do from watching her. If only she knew how much. I think she does by seeing how happy I am and how much my life has changed in the last short while. I also know, now more than ever, that I still need my mother.


When I came back home from my weekend away, Daman told me that whenever I come home, there is a calm and peace. He said that’s what happens when you are an angel. That’s what happens when you walk in the warmth of your mother’s love.

So you're doing better now Everybody comes around But you really don't need em Cuz you're stronger and you're better and you're ready for whatever

Writing has always been an important style of expression for me. I do it with my mind firmly planted in truth. It is paramount to the kinds of things that I reflect on and write about in my blog. A time came when I found it increasingly difficult to express and ‘think out loud’ in the midst of personal battles. It was kind of like writer’s block….. but isn’t writer’s block usually just a term used to cover the real issue the writer has? In my case, I think it was. The truth is I lost the inspiration to write because of challenging life experiences. The inspiration was lost because I felt unable to be authentic in my writing. However, after the learning process, I am back to doing what I love to do: sharing my thoughts and experiences through the written word.

For those of you who are new readers to my blog, a short intro: Every blog entry title are lyrics from a song that inspires me or has some significance to the entry. Sometimes it is just a song that playing in the background while I am writing. This is a way to share my music in a lyrical form. Other than that, there is nothing else to know.

As for the physical blog, I will be changing it over the next few weeks as time permits to create something new. So please bear with me – I’ve become rusty with the html!

I look forward to bringing my experiences from the last couple of years to 2010 – a new decade. Here’s to a good year for all.

Down to the wire I wanted water but I'll walk through the fire If this is what it takes To take me even higher

Somtimes life is like that. Kind of exciting in a weird, somewhat twisted way.

Can you believe when all you've got is doubt And no one to pull you out When your heart is slowing down Can you believe?

When the door seems to close on something you feel you've been working hard for it makes you re-think the things you want.

People create limits. Others will question what you can bring to the table. In fact, they will tell you that you can't bring to the table as much as someone else. These are hard things to hear. They can be hurtful to you, and to the purpose that you are working towards. These are the times when faith is tested. It is a hard lesson to learn and one that I'm not sure is ever fully learned in life.

I find it funny how we try to stay away from the things we really want in life. We get confused as to what we really want. And then something or someone happens to give you a reminder – sometimes this reminder comes in the form of a seeming defeat. A reminder that what is comfortable and easy and even good is not necessarily fulfilling the level of desire and potential that lies within us. This amazing destination that has been created for you and is patiently waiting for your arrival. It is in those times when we have to fully believe. And that becomes the process of fulfilling our dreams. And it is possible.


“So many of our dreams at first seem impossible, then they seem improbable, and then when we summon the will, they soon become inevitable.”

-Christopher REEVE

Look at them running off the sidewalk Look at us falling off a building Look at them reading lights Look at me, look at you

In Sight

Hold and point

Eyes can see

A still - life picture of me.

Aim and shoot

Through your lens

A frozen image transcends.

-April 15 2007

And if I have to crawl upon the floor Come crashing through your door Baby, I can't fight this feeling anymore

First of all, shout out to REO Speedwagon yo. Kickin' it old school. Holla!

Secondly, I was doing some research for one of my classes and came across this captivating video created by a Professor at the U of Kansas.... a quick history and glimpse of Web 2.0. Even if you're not interested in the topic, the use of the stylistic video as an educational tool is impressive.

"The Web is Us/ing Us"

Now here this mixture Where hip hop meets scripture Develop a negative into a positive picture

I took these pictures last summer on one of my walks through Bear Creek.

I like taking pics before I arrive in a particular spot. Maybe because I like to freeze time before I experience the rest.

This little shack by the railroad tracks intrigued me. It looked kind of dark and dingy. I thought of trying to get through the fence for a closer shot.....
















Okay, don't freak out, the above shot was NOT taken inside the fence. However, I did lean over the fence as much as possible. No one saw me do it.... i think.

Again, I didn't jump the fence for the train track picture. Honest.















I liked the flora of this one below. The sun, the green, wavy long grass and water. I can't wait to start going for walks in the park again. If weather permits, my first one will be after this semester is over.














I have been quite busy this weekend trying to get my paper done that's due tomorrow. One more week to go and classes are over. UNfortunately, I am schooling through the summer so....there you go. You will all be happy to know that my paper will be complete by tomorrow. Now only two more finals and one more project to get done by the end of this week. Guess I will sleep next week.

Today in the midst of typing frantically and checking this reference and reading that article, I took a moment and started to daydream. I recommend that people take a moment or two to do this during a busy day. I am still feeling good and reflecting on it. I don't know what made me daydream but I am sure glad I did it. I must have really needed it, because my daydream seemed to take on a life of its own, like I didn't have control of it anymore. Then it was like I was just sitting there watching it. The mind is a powerful thing....It felt like a revelation or a snapshot of things to come. Now I have this creation that I can keep with me, that will energize me, and beautify me. Now that I think about it, daydreams are powerful because they are created within yourself and have the potential to become reality. And that is pretty amazing.

Walked out this morning, don't believe what I saw Hundred billion bottles washed up on the shore Seems I'm not alone at being alone

My best friend Mo seems to be giving me a nudge to display something on my blog. I have taken a bit of a hiatus from here - as well as you all may know, I've been quite busy w/ school ( two classes), work ( a new position), and my friend's wedding (which is nearing soon - this Saturday, March 3rd - stay tuned for pics!). So here I have chosen a pic I took of my almost married friend Mo (who shares the same nickname as my brother). I took this of her in the wilderness on Bowen Island where we had a spa weekend staggette. In this pic, she skips a rock across the water and if you look to the lower right, you can see a perfect little 'plop' wave (that's what I call it) made by the stone. That's my friend, Mo.

Music Makes the people Come together

So cute.... visually pure and simple. I'm a Pocoyo fan. From the UK.

"What can you hear that sounds like music?"

Come on and we'll sing, like we were free Push the pedal down watch the world around fly by us Come on and we'll try, one last time

Most of you know about my volunteer work and what that involves. So, I just wanted to take a moment and remember one of the consumers who I have spoken with in the past who died a few days ago. Mental illness is so complex and heartbreaking. Sometimes the pain of living is just too great. It’s sometimes hard to imagine such a thing, but if you have ever known someone who has suffered from a mental illness, daily living is more often than not, a battle against yourself. Imagine such a life.

I had an uncle who suffered from a mental illness and I had first met him when I was in Fiji a few years back. I stayed a few days at his house and he was such a good guy. He had a little business with his two boys, who were probably about 10 and 12 years old. It was a mobile video rental business. He’d take the boys out to their regular customers and rent out and exchange videos. They made some good money and I thought what a great business idea that was in the area they lived in. I saw him come back with his boys this one day and the boys brought out 3 money jars (one belonged to each of them and one for their little sister). With their dad, they divided up the money and each got a share for their ‘money jar’. It was so touching to be able to witness that. There was so much joy and accomplishment in the eyes of the boys with their father. I think of some kids I know and have met who get everything they ask for and more and they are not taught the value of work or money. It makes me think that sometimes the seemingly poor are the richest people that you could know. My uncle was a good man and he suffered too – he took his life a couple of years ago around Christmas time. I try to remember him around that time each year. So tonight, I just want to remember those who have tried to live.

Stood on the corner for a while To wait for the wind to blow down on me Hoping it takes with it my old ways And brings some brand new luck upon me

And when you feel like you can't see the light,

"Courage, it would seem, is nothing less than the power to overcome danger, misfortune, fear, injustice, while continuing to affirm inwardly that life with all its sorrows is good; that everything is meaningful even if in a sense beyond our understanding; and that there is always tomorrow."

- Dorothy Thompson

I'm with you.

Let's learn from our history And do it differently I hope For more love, for joy and laughter I Hope That we'll have more than we'll ever need

A recap of New Year's Eve:

The boys rounded up a projector and a bedsheet and created a Jumbotron fit for Xbox Kings to enjoy into the wee hours of the morning.



Yes, it's true, the sheet is wrinkled. Funny that no one thought of ironing it - not surprising. Minor detail, I guess.




The girls didn't indulge in the Xbox because frankly, I don't think we were allowed to play. We popped in once in a while to make sure they were breathing. We got a grunt or two. We continued with our own fun.

Some of the boys joined us for a Murder Mystery game (must of not been enough Xbox controllers) and it was quite fun. Mo was the killer. As they say, hell hath no fury as a woman scorned.

Next was an intense game of Charades. My team (the winning team) did awesome considering we had 3 people for the most part against 5. The other team made fun of the way we celebrated when we got an answer right. They jumped up and down and squealed loudly. Well, if you got 'Loose Lips Sink Ships' right, wouldn't you proceed with a celebration of high fives and hugging? I'm not ashamed of it.

It's been a memorable year. Here's a toast to each of you for 2006 and 2007. Peace and love.

Pray God you can cope I stand outside this woman's work This woman's world

I spoke to a woman a few days ago. We did not know each other. She had given birth to a baby boy 8 months ago. She spoke to me about her physical and emotional struggles. Other people in her life were telling her that there was something wrong with her and she was getting worried that she might need help. This caused her more worry and anxiety because she didn't exactly know what kind of help she needed.

She told me about some of the feelings she was having towards her baby and her husband. Her struggle was to find the explanations or reasons as to why she felt this way. It was this lack of clarity that was causing her the most turmoil. She was second guessing her own feelings because other people (perhaps unintentionally) were telling her that there was something wrong with her. If you put anyone in this situation, would they not feel a loss of control? I was unsure as to how to help ease this woman’s pain in the moment, so I tried to listen to her to see where she would guide me. Instead of focusing on what I thought I was supposed to do, I decided to make a better effort to practice compassion. And when I decided to do that, something unexplainable occurred. The woman started to cry tears of relief. I felt her anxieties and worry melt away. I felt a blessing being bestowed upon both of us. I felt a mother being able to comfort her baby now that she was feeling some relief within herself. Now that she understood that there wasn’t anything wrong with her, she could take back the part of herself she thought she was losing. She told me that she had tried for days, but was unable to cry until that moment. Her relief relieved me. I felt as if she had reached out to me and I was lucky enough to be there to receive. I was moved by this good woman. It is the best gift I got this year.

We often forget the true meaning of a gift. A true gift resonates from within us and has eternal life. A gift brings us closer to others and in the process reveals to ourselves the things we so easily forget. It puts us in a vulnerable state to reveal the purest part of ourselves that we often try to hide from others. It is these gifts that are not wrapped up nicely and put under the tree. Often these gifts come in unexpected and disguised forms, sometimes painful to see. Hence, they can be easily overlooked and forgotten. We even try to fight them. I will try to remember them more often so I can share these gifts with the people who I experience in life.

As the holidays come to an end, I have redefined my personal definition of ‘gift’. A gift is not greater than you or I. In fact, it is you and I. And it is within reach. I think this is the most important lesson I’ve learned this year. It’s funny that I wasn’t even going to write about any of this, but I felt I had to.

“One must know not just how to accept a gift, but with what grace to share it.”

- Maya Angelou

Here by my side, you are, destruction Here by my side, a new colour to paint the world Never turn your back on it

"Truth is truth
To the end of reckoning."

William Shakespeare, "Measure for Measure"

Today was a day I felt a weight lifted off my shoulders. A weight that i have been carrying around for quite some time. What a relief. Sometimes relief brings with it a wave of sadness because it means letting go - of what has been bottled up inside. Relief leaves you vulnerable and yet raises you up. And you become yourself once again. All in all, it is a blessing to be unburdened, no matter how it may come to be.

But Colorado rocky mountain high I've seen it raining fire in the sky The shadow from the starlight is softer than a lullabye

I have to address the extreme amount of snow. There's a lot. I love how everything gets quieter and pure looking when it snows. When I woke up this morning, I felt calm and protected - it's funny how the snow makes me feel that way. I guess it's because you realize it's not necessary to go anywhere. Getting all the errands done doesn't seem as important. It forces you to stop and do other things. And I for one, need that from time to time. In the stillness of the falling snow, I awoke and blended a special aromatherapy scent and spent the rest of the morning enjoying the stillness. I am laughing at myself right now because I know some of you will read this and think 'that fatima and her essential oils...' What can I say...it was therapeutic. Everyone needs a snowfall once in a while.


I have been listening to John Denver lately. Specifically, John Denver's Greatest Hits, released in 1973. When I was little, my parents had the 8 track and it was one of the ones we listened to a lot. It's one of my earliest childhood memories, listening to his songs. I don't know how many times I listened to that 8 track. He was such a great song writer. I love that he wrote about environmental issues, struggles of the time, and the comforts and beauty of his homeland. He was a soulful artist. Listening to his music takes me back to when I was a little girl, setting up the 8 track ghetto blaster in the living room listening to 'Sunshine on my Shoulders'. I'd feel happy. Check out his music if you are interested.


A big mass of snow as seen through my window:

Going to stand on that bridge Keep my eyes down below Whatever may come And whatever may go That river's flowing

Today is National Philanthropy Day. Everyone has something to give.

"I have the audacity to believe that people everywhere can have three meals a day for their bodies, education and culture for their minds, and dignity, quality, and freedom for their spirits. I believe that what self-centered men have torn down, other-centered men can build up."
King, Jr., Martin Luther

What puts a hundred thousand children in the sand? Belief can, belief can What puts a folded flag inside his mother's hand? Belief can, belief can

After seven years of volunteering I am still being shown that I need to be there. Believe me, over the years I have tested the question of leaving - finding a new opportunity, one that could be more 'fun'. Despite the testing, I have always come to the answer that I shouldn't go. Whenever I have taken some time away from it, the day I come back has always been a day I am reminded why I should return ----thanks to whomever I end up speaking to that day. There are so many people in this world who don't have someone to talk to -- not one person. Can you imagine such a life? I am constantly reminded of the purpose of serving and my importance to serve others as a part of my life.

Speaking of remembering, I hope everyone got a chance to give a moment to the men and women who have served and are currently serving not only our country but also each other.

So take the photographs and still frames in your mind Hang it on a shelf in good health and good time

So many of you know that I had a job with the government years ago facilitating violence prevention workshops throughout this great Province of ours. It was one of the most difficult and greatest times of my life. A true growing experience. A lot of you have heard me talk about those experiences and so now that the timing seems to be right (hope I'm not breaking some sort of Gov't statute of limitations) I am publishing some of the photos I collected over that span of time. Most of the people in these pictures became like family because we spent so much time working together, travelling together, eating and sleeping together. It was a very unique working experience, one that I know I'll never have again.

I don't think any of you have seen any of these... I hope they will be interesting to you. Being that Blogger seems to only be allowing me to publish four pictures in one post, I'll be publishing a series, a mini-series if you will. Let's begin....

Our first road trip to Smithers with Ryan and Travis where we worked for a week. Here is the view from my room at the Bed and Breakfast we stayed in. Yes, a McDonald's right across the street which served as our dinner the first night we were there. I had the two cheeseburger meal and yes, I do remember it well. Ryan was in heaven because McDonald's was all he ever ate. This caused some tension between him and Travis due to the resulting unappealing smells in their room.














Within an hour of our arrival, it started to snow. Travis and I went across the street to this little park area to frolic. That's our hotel in the background.














Us in the school gym prepping for a show. Travis paced and walked around a lot, Ryan usually slept, and I took pictures and sat in a spot.














I told Travis to do something that was 'him'. So this is what he gave me. It was fitting.














You're probably wondering why I don't have any pictures of Ryan from this trip. That's because he was asleep for most of it. No joke.

More pics to come from various adventures....

I dare you to tell me to walk through fire Wear my soul and call me a liar

Recently I have had a couple of dreams about fire that I have been thinking a lot about. I came across this interesting take that I thought was insightful:

The dream of Fire suggests that you are in the process of experiencing its more challenging aspects. It is very difficult but also necessary to face our passions head on and ask ourselves the question “Why do I feel so strongly about this – is it justifiable?” In taking up the challenge it is important we quite literally fight fire with fire as it takes a lot of spiritual energy and will to recognise where a heart felt feeling is no more than ego arrogance, or indeed to locate those passions that are valuable to our quest. Remember that when we compress the value of fire(301) we get the number four, the symbol of the earth and solidity. This should remind you that when negotiating this difficult path it is always easier to walk when we keep our feet on the ground.

To fully benefit from this dream requires two distinct responses. On the hand it is important to develop an appreciation of the nature of passion and emotion, at the same time it is a real mark of development when one can feel a certain passion and emotional response to the most simple of tasks. It is all too easy to forget that the divine is fundamentally a force of love. In order to fully link with our own higher self we must be able to deal with a whole range of emotions. Even more we must be able to understand our emotional responses.