You might be the silent type; But you're advertising louder now; It's crazy how you're killing me

There is a big difference between power over work and power over the people you work with. These two things are often mixed up. I've been observing that often times when people feel no control over their work, that they attempt to regain that control by undermining the control of their team members. Sad, but true. I may work diligently all day long, sometimes not taking a break, but I do notice and listen to what's going on around me. Sometimes I wish people were just happier. Last week I was talking to this person on the phone about a work issue and then I asked her how she was doing. She paused, and in that silence I felt her frustration, pain and some desperation...I immediately started tearing up. And then I told her that it was okay if she didn't finish the work thing I was talking to her about. Sometimes people need to know that they are more important than a piece of paper or information in an email. Sometimes people really do forget that they are.

On a lighter note, I met a guy name Etienne today. Not only is that a cool name, but I enjoyed the way he said mine with his French accent. It pleasantly rung in my ear and I asked him to say it again. Now I'm thinking that was quite bold of me. Sometimes you've just got to tell someone when you like something they do. It's a simple pleasure to me.

In all the little moments I pushed you away that I can't erase; Every moment overflows with power; 66 thousand miles an hour

Jawn you asked the question about my experiences of eliminating redundancy. I think I've been trying to do that in different aspects of my life in the last several months. Namely, figuring out what things I can do without in life that I have held on to from the past and trying to let them go. At times, I've felt redundancy in the choices I've made when I have not listened closely to myself, when I make choices out of fear or inadequacy. Getting rid of the thoughts that hold you back is getting rid of the redundancy that those thoughts create in your physical life.

I've spent the last few months getting to know myself, incorporating the past and the present, and setting goals for the future. This kind of all began when I decided to transition into another field of work. It meant leaving the security of work that I was familiar with but knew that I didn't want to make a life long career. My struggle with this lasted until I made the decision to go back to school and follow what my instincts were telling me. Following your desire isn't always immediately gratifying. In the middle of my struggles, I have questioned if taking a ~70% pay cut to become a student and leaving a comfortable line of work is the smartest thing to do. Because I can tell you, there have been times when it has appeared that way. In the midst i also decided to take a career management course to help me focus on the things I needed to get done careerwise and make a plan for myself.

I know that sometimes people don't know where my motivations or ideas come from. I don't always know what the ideas are or which to choose, I just find that what I do know is what questions to ask. And God helps me with the answers. But, I trust that my spirit will lead me when I'm not sure where to go. It's funny how when you decide to change something in one area of your life, it affects other areas too. So, the decision to eliminate redundancy in my career life, has also been modifying and eliminating redundancy in my family life and personal relationships.

This past couple of months especially,I've been going to bed dead tired and getting up tired. Working in a new job in a field that you are just beginning to enter and trying to keep up with your schooling brings physical and mental challenge. In those moments of challenge I try to remember the purpose of what I'm doing. There are a few of those. First and foremost, it's for me-- for my learning, to really find out what I am made of. And to find where my talents lie and how I can most effectively use those in life. The only way to do this authentically for me is to be stripped humbly of the superficial things that stop me from achieving what I want in life. Those things are usually unique to the individual. The second purpose for me is for my family, present and future. This will sound a bit out there considering I'm perfectly single and without children, but I do what I do now partly to be able to provide in many ways, the best for my family when that time comes. Although I don't have their physical presence, I do have them in my mind and in my heart in everything I do. I feel that way about my immediate family too, of course. And sometimes when I get selfish and prideful, I think about the future and it makes things a little more bearable.

I la la la la love the wonderful thing it does because Because I am the wizard of oohs and ahs & fa la la's

Do you ever hear a phrase that totally sticks out in your mind and you think hey, I have to remember this one. For some reason it has meaning to you. This happened to me this week when I heard the phrase: Eliminate the redundancy

The context in which I heard it was not very significant, but the meaning of the words set a lightbulb off in my head and I told myself that I couldn't forget this phrase and I will have to think about it later when I have time. I like it when things just grab my attention that way to generate thought. You never know where it might lead you. I find it exciting.

It takes no time to fall in love But it takes you years to know what love is

I've been wanting to write in here for a long time, but everytime I've sat down to write, I've been so tired that I can't seem to complete my thoughts. Ironically, I had to erase that last line because I couldn't express my words in the right order.
Well, school and work are taking their toll on me. This is pretty much the most stress and tiredness I've experienced in my school/job life. 50 hours a week I spend at work and school. And that doesn't count time to study and do assignments (which is about 10 hours/week)or commuting time (7.7 hours/week). Yes, I have counted because it's the only way I can manage my time properly and have a realistic view of how I can get things done. Or else I would have dropped my class by now.

I like my class but it makes me a little upset that I don't enjoy it as much as I could. In class, sometimes (like tonight) I was yawning and just ready to go home about half way through. After a full day of work and then a stop over at Staples to print off my assignment, then to the library because the girl at Staples told me it would take two hours to print my stuff. I've taken stuff their before and that's never happened. She said 2 hours for colour printing (which is what I wanted). Then I asked what about black and white? She said 30 mins. I didn't get that logic. I only had 6 pages to print and I said nevermind and left for the library. Let's just say my library experience was not a great one. First of all, the lady at the information desk kept repeating the spelling of my name wrong. 3 times she repeated it to me wrong. Normally, this wouldn't bother me, but my time was running out and I had to print my stuff fast. I walk over to the computer only to find some guy sitting at the computer I just booked. I gave him a look and he got up right away-- his buddy was on the computer beside me, so he just stood behind me. Nice. I got my docs ready on the screen and went to the main desk to buy my paper. I bought 10 pages and proceeded to the info booth where I showed my receipt to get my paper. Then the wrong- speller- of- my- name- responded with a 10 pages yes answer. See, she is supposed to bring the paper to the printer and put it in and then I can print. I thought she was following me to my computer b/c she had the paper in her hand. Once I got to my computer, I peer over and see that she is sitting at her desk! I look again b/c I thought she was maybe accosted by someone for help, but no, she's sitting at the desk. Well, I marched over there and she looks up at me and says oh you want your paper? Uhhhh, yeah I want my paper! My paper was sitting right beside her on her desk. So I walked back to the computer. Note that this whole time the guy beside me is crazyily printing off stuff. When I say crazily, he almost had a half a package of xerox paper already in his hands. This bugged me greatly as he was constantly printing and I needed to get my paper in there. Turns out as Mrs. Badspeller came to put my paper in, Mr. Crazypaper ran out of paper. Think that would be a good thing so I could get my paper in? Wrong. Apparently Mr. Paperking kept cueing print jobs even though he used up all his paper. Meaning that I could not print my jobs until his cued ones were printed. For some reason Mrs. Icantspell couldn't understand what was happening and at this point, I was getting anxious and I explained it to her. Regrettably, I didn't use a nice tone. But she didn't seem to notice, just as she didn't seem to notice much of anything. So Mr.Paperboy had to finish his and then I finally did mine. Most of the time I was waiting around I tried to concentrate on breathing so I wouldn't get irritated. Six pages. Just as I was done, he asked me if I was finished. Was he in some kind of rush?? I thought to myself, I'm going to be nice to this guy because that's what I should do. So I told him he could have the rest of the paper in the printer that I didn't use.

I booted it to school. As I approached my classroom door, I noticed it was shut and looking through the window, there was nobody there. I paused then saw a note on the door that said class was moved to another room. I walked into that room and my teacher said hi to me, she had already started class and I was 5 minutes late. It was a good class but I started losing my concentration in the last hour of the new topic. On a good note, I found out I got a higher mark on last week's exam than I thought. I was a bit surprised at my mark last week, although not bad, it just didn't seem right. Anyways, my teacher said she will tell us about the mark changes next class.

And that's the kind of day it's been for me. After it's all said and done, today was a day that taught me a lot. I learned how to be a better person when I don't feel like being one. I'm thankful that I didn't take out my emotions on the people I encountered today. I don't feel I was 100% successful at that today, but someone upstairs helped me out and was patient with me. When patience is tried, just remember that in those times, Someone is being patient with you. And then you will be okay.

Good night.