"Give a little bit of heart and soul; Give a little bit of love to grow"

I heard the above song on the radio the other day and I immediately thought: Bart Scruggs. And I listened to the song and smiled. I went to high school with him and he was in my grade 8 science class. He was a short boy with long hair and floppy bangs that he sometimes wore off his face, parted in the middle. He was a 'rocker'. He smoked. And he wore white high tops with jeans and a jean jacket most of the time. In science class I sat at the same table as he did. It was assigned seating, which meant that a choice 'trouble maker' was usually seated beside me. Teachers often used me for that purpose. I guess I was supposed to be the good 'role model'. I didn't mind it at all because I got to know certain people in a way I probably wouldn't have.

Maybe it's because I didn't see myself very differently from Bart Scruggs, that I felt comfortable in those situations. After all, one day out of the blue when we were sitting in class, he sang the words 'Give a little bit of heart and soul, Give a little bit of love to grow' and I thought he was quite a good singer. I liked the song. So we had something in common.

I wonder if he ever remembers me. I doubt he would. I wonder if he'd be surprised that I have this memory of him etched in my mind. Whenever I hear that song, I think about when he sang it. I remember a playful boy who was sometimes rebellious and didn't always have the best manners.... but I thought he could sing, and he left an impression without knowing it. If I were to see Bart someday I'd hug him and tell him about my memory of him. I'd let him know that I was glad Mrs. D had him sit beside me in science class.

"I feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd Cause these words are my diary screamin out loud And I know you'll use them however you want to"

Conversations with Mom

I walk into the kitchen

Mom (from the couch in front of the TV): Eat some of the lettuce I brought today.

Me: Whaaaat?

Mom: I brought some lettuce today and you have to eat some with your dinner.

Me: But I already have a whole box of lettuce I have to eat!

Mom: But this is good lettuce.

Me: All lettuce is the same.
(I walk over to look at the lettuce mom is talking about)

Mom: This lettuce tastes very good. (still from the couch)

Me: This looks like normal lettuce to me.

Mom: It's very tasty because I chopped it myself.

Me: Mooooooom! (I sit down and start to eat the lettuce).

The moral: Mothers win most of the time.

"When you've got all night for Love; I see you and me there; Well maybe our time isn't now; But it will come around..."

If anyone knows that song, well you will be my friend for life. It's a song that my brother and I both liked. I can pretty much say that I don't think anyone will know it, but if there is someone out there who does...... it will make me very happy.

On happiness: I've been thinking a lot these past few days about happiness and sadness. Experiencing and thinking. What makes me happy and what makes me feel sad and why? How do we keep happiness alive in ourselves when there seems to be sadness that floats around us? Am I making a difference doing what I do each day? How can I be less consumed with my doubts? I read something that gave me a very good answer to my questions and it brought me some peace. So I have included it below.

Consider the following. We humans are social beings. We come into the world as the result of others' actions. We survive here in dependence on others. Whether we like it or not, there is hardly a moment of our lives when we do not benefit from others' activities. For this reason it is hardly surprising that most of our happiness arises in the context of our relationships with others.

Nor is it so remarkable that our greatest joy should come when we are motivated by concern for others. But that is not all. We find that not only do altruistic actions bring about happiness but they also lessen our experience of suffering. Here I am not suggesting that the individual whose actions are motivated by the wish to bring others' happiness necessarily meets with less misfortune than the one who does not. Sickness, old age, mishaps of one sort or another are the same for us all. But the sufferings which undermine our internal peace -- anxiety, doubt, disappointment -- these things are definitely less. In our concern for others, we worry less about ourselves. When we worry less about ourselves an experience of our own suffering is less intense.

What does this tell us? Firstly, because our every action has a universal dimension, a potential impact on others' happiness, ethics are necessary as a means to ensure that we do not harm others. Secondly, it tells us that genuine happiness consists in those spiritual qualities of love, compassion, patience, tolerance and forgiveness and so on. For it is these which provide both for our happiness and others' happiness.

~Ethics for a New Millennium, by His Holiness the 14th Dalai Lama

After I read this, I felt complete. And I believe that's what most people are looking for when they ask questions; they seek completeness. I often do. I find most of the time I am able to find it, in ways that I can't really predict and sometimes can't explain. But I do know when something feels right and I believe that when that feeling comes over you, it's a form of happiness. And that's when I know I've found what I'm searching for.

"Whatever happened to the values of humanity? Whatever happened to the fairness in equality? Instead of spreading love we're spreading animosity"

What happens when someone decides to take a possession away from you? Be it through vandalism or stealing, it causes damage and loss. Material and emotional. A few years ago, I would have defined the damage and loss of something material AS material and amend the loss through a replacement of the material thing. i.e. ‘I can’t believe someone took my ___ , now I have to get a new one.’ Replacement of the possession would “fix” the problem. However, at this moment in time my definition has changed-- I see first a material loss as a disrespect to my hard work. A violation of the sacrifices that I have made to have something that serves a purpose in my life above materiality. It is a hurt inflicted upon the heart that you put into the smallest task in the process of earning a dollar. What is most significant is not the dollars that you are able to readily spend (because anyone can do that or appear to do that) as a result of what you earn, but it is the manner and attitude by which you earn it. I think true wealth comes from this. I guess when you’ve lived a life of riches where things can be replaced with ease, you never really have a chance to learn that lesson in a physical sense, unless you seek out an opportunity to do so.

On an aside, I am thinking about the Pope and it almost seems trite to send him blessings. However, giving blessings are always humbling, inspiring, and a testimony of the power of humanity. That is a lesson that can be taught and learned through life and through death. And everything becomes a little more clearer.