Tuesday, October 04, 2005

Her hair reminds me of a warm safe place; Where as a child I'd hide; And pray for the thunder and the rain; To quietly pass me by

Friday was my last official day of work. It was a nice and quiet day and I took my time doing the final tasks that were left. I came in that morning and instead of going up to my office, swung by the administration offices to find out where to get a United Way sticker for Jeans Day. Note that I'd never been in the Admin office before. I walked in a little out of breath b/c I had been walking too fast (not sure why), and stopped in front of the main desk. This lady looked up at me and said, 'Fatima.' like she knew me. I said, 'Uh, yeah!'. I was a little perplexed and she said, "I'm Mary Jane". And then I stopped and I just looked at her and my mind raced and my heart raced a little too, it raced to find her in my life somewhere. I could not place her and I was thinking you must know her! She got up and put a box on the counter and said that one of the managers wanted me to have it for my last day. Mary Jane said she had just called my office phone and left a voicemail message to come and pick it up. I told her that I hadn't gone up to my office yet and only came to the admin office in hopes to get a United Way sticker and I laughed. She said, "Really? We don’t have those here. I was wondering how you got here so fast after listening my message when I saw you standing there." Strange thing is, she's never seen me before….I told her that was just really strange how this all happened. She said she just looked at me and thought oh that's Fatima, very calmly. I think I just might love Mary Jane.

I peeked into the box and saw something very familiar. It was a glass swan with a rose it in. Why was this familiar to me? Because a few years ago, I received the same thing from my mom. She just brought it home one day to give to me-- for no reason. I got to my office and took it out of the box and looked at it and it was just too strange for me. I had that glass swan in my room for years and finally one day I packed it up and put it in storage. What are the odds that someone would give me that exact swan? Now I have two.

I got a couple thoughtful parting gifts that I really didn’t expect. It really made me feel like I made a difference in the short time I was there. One of the HR ladies in the office came to say goodbye to me and hugged me and told me she would be very interested in knowing where I end up and what becomes of me. She said she really enjoyed working with me. She is very much a motherly type. I have to admit, I almost cried, my eyes filled up with tears. When people say nice things to me like that, it's so powerful to me, that's why it moves me I guess. I packed up the last of my things, which was hardly anything at all, and said a couple more goodbyes. I don't particularly enjoy goodbyes, and I have been thinking about why that is and why I get emotional when people say nice things to me. I never really thought about it before but it makes sense to me now. It's because I easily love people. What I mean is that I just learn to love the people I meet or work with or somehow connect with. Even if they are a part of my life for a short moment in time. They mean something to me, I learn things from them that they probably don't even realize they are teaching me. They are a part of my life. It's one of my greatest sources of joy, but also one of sorrow because I find that as much as I let in, I have to let go.

I gathered my things and picked up the little cardboard box containing the glass swan. I stood in the doorway of my office and stopped and took one last look, one last breath before closing the door for the last time.

I stepped outside and as the tears welled up. I felt a little sad but then a sense of relief. Because, in many respects, I was leaving with more than what I came here with. And that felt good and I was thankful.

I drove to up to the parking attendant, Ken to pay my way out of the lot and Ken greeted me with the usual, "How is Fatima today?" I told him that it was my last day & we exchanged a few pleasantries. The last thing he said to me was, "I think I will see you again." That's just the way Ken is.

P.S- Andrea, speaking of profound movie experiences, you should go see Scared Sacred http://www.scaredsacred.org/ . I finally got to see it over the weekend and for some reason, I thought you would like to see it too. It will be at the Town Cinema on Oct 30th or 31st. Everyone should check it out, this is something worth seeing

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