Working so hard every night and day; and now we get the pay back; Trying so hard saving up the paper; Now we get to lay back

What a week it's been. To answer Daman's question, yes I did get that job. If anyone wants details, ask me privately and I'll give you the scoop. I got a call on Monday and they wanted me to start on Tuesday. What a strange existence I have been living -- so many changes happening so quickly. I'm working at a different location and in a different division. Apparently, someone left 'suddenly' and they called up asking for me. Well well well. It has been an exhausting week as this was also my midterm week. This job put a wrench in my study plans you could say. One more midterm tomorrow and I will be done.

I have to say that I have been at the office 4 days and I feel so comfortable there. The people are so friendly, laid back and funny. I only knew them through emails and phone calls here and there when I was at my other location, so it was interesting on my first day putting faces to the names I have seen often. They totally made me feel welcome and I could tell there was one person especially who was looking out for me all week. She is great. On my second day she pointed out gently that at lunch time 'we eat in the kitchen, not at our desks', which is what I did on my first day. I guess I am just conditioned to do that. When I have a lot of work to do, I just eat at my desk and keep working. It was nice that someone actually cared enough to point it out to me. Needless to say, I won't be eating at my desk anymore. I don't think I've experienced that sort of environment in the corporate workplace before. Plus, the IGA deli is so good. Score! I got the Florentine Panini twice this week. I am a sucker for a good deli. My ideal workplace must have a great deli within walking distance. And a great coffee shop. Panorama is a great area to work in. I mean, our offices are literally 5 steps away from the Big Ridge Brewery. Can't get much better than that. Oh, and just for P-dot, the McDooggles is just a short walk away. Filet o' Fish Fridays, anyone? Extra Tar-TAR sawce.

Tonight I attended DougW's retirement dinner. He is a Corporal I worked with when I was at the RCMP. I can't believe it's been over two years since I had been there. It feels like a lifetime ago. Bev told me that I was 'glowing'. She still has her perfectly manicured long nails. She was wearing some kind of 'mood nail polish' that changes colour with the heat. DougG of course made fun of me saying 'remember all those times you told me, just wait until I meet your wife, I'm going to tell her all about the WAY you are? Well, she is here and you can tell her.' I don't know, but for some reason, I got really shy all of a sudden and I didn't know what to say. I mean, his wife was sitting right there and she was really nice, I'm sure. And then DougG was like, 'hey you are turning red!'. I was like no I'm not. He embarassed me and I don't get embarassed that easily. Leave it to Doogie. I mean, I couldn't say things about him to his wife! Then she said, 'I know all about the way he is.' Saved.

DougW got a lot of cool presents. We got him a silver desk clock engraved with his years of service. And his unit members got him a palm pilot and accessories to go with it. He's all hooked up now. I don't know anyone who deserves a nice farewell more than DougW. He has got to be the nicest man ever. Everyone always says the same thing about him: he never says anything bad about anyone. Never utters a bad word or talks badly about others, even if they are being mean or rude. He doesn't have one ioda of mean spirit in him. Not one. You would know what I was talking about if you knew him. He has such a good heart. Speaking of hearts, he has a mechancial valve in his heart and he showed me a replica of it once. It's pretty cool what they can do with technology. He can even hear the valve in his heart opening and closing sometimes. Maybe that's why he is the way he is..... he's got this intimate connection with his heart that most people don't have. I think that's pretty amazing.

Blue jean baby, L.A. lady, seamstress for the band; Pretty eyed, pirate smile, you'll marry a music man

A display of my portrait editing skills.
Mo and I on her birthday Jan.09.2005

There's a rug with bleeding dye under the fan in the room; Where the passion's burning high; By the chair with the leopard skin under the light...

My mom gave me this magnet today that had a picture of a cartoon guy on it, wearing a blue suit. He looked quite happy. This is what the magnet said,

"THE REAL OPPORTUNITY FOR SUCCESS LIES WITHIN THE PERSON...NOT IN THE JOB!"

Fitting, given my current work/school situation. It surprises me how much my mom and I are alike sometimes. After all, I am my mother's daughter. Got to give her some credit. Thanks for your deepness, ma.

I've been lonely but I know I'll be okay; Good love is on the way

I'm sitting here, but what I really should be doing is going to bed. My behavior would be scolded by Laura. Not only did she scold me for not having my dinner until much too late, but I confessed to her that I only had about 3 hours of sleep last night. I worked then did homework for the rest of the day. She would be appalled that I have not gone to bed yet. However, I felt like I needed to write a little. It's nice that I have someone who will scold me. Someone who cares about the fact that I 'forgot' to eat or that I didn't get enough sleep and wants to know why. Some people go throughout the day, not believing that anyone cares about them.

I guess when someone cares about you, you should just let them. Why does that seem like such a hard thing to do sometimes? It's because of the V word. Vulnerability. It can pick you up and twirl you around in the sky until you feel like you're flying and then spiral you down and drill a hole to the depths of the ocean floor just as quickly. Sometimes you want to pull the chute. Other times you need the search and rescue. Most times, you probably just need to open your eyes and see the ground steady below. Or as my beloved friend of yesterday, Travis would say, look to the stars and know that when you look up there in our everchanging lives, that there's something in this universe that stays constant. Actually, that wasn't Travis, that was me who said that. We were in Smithers, BC of all places. Those stars were the most beautiful I ever saw- big, bright, and alive. I felt like they were reachable and I could touch them.

Maybe that's why God gives us the gift of vulnerability. After all, when we are in that state, we are more innocent and humble, almost childlike. And like the stars- big, bright, and alive. Maybe if we embraced our vulnerabilities and saw how beautiful they were, we could be more reachable to those who are waiting to touch our lives. It's something I will try and keep in mind this week. I think that is a nice thought to sleep on.

Her hair reminds me of a warm safe place; Where as a child I'd hide; And pray for the thunder and the rain; To quietly pass me by

Friday was my last official day of work. It was a nice and quiet day and I took my time doing the final tasks that were left. I came in that morning and instead of going up to my office, swung by the administration offices to find out where to get a United Way sticker for Jeans Day. Note that I'd never been in the Admin office before. I walked in a little out of breath b/c I had been walking too fast (not sure why), and stopped in front of the main desk. This lady looked up at me and said, 'Fatima.' like she knew me. I said, 'Uh, yeah!'. I was a little perplexed and she said, "I'm Mary Jane". And then I stopped and I just looked at her and my mind raced and my heart raced a little too, it raced to find her in my life somewhere. I could not place her and I was thinking you must know her! She got up and put a box on the counter and said that one of the managers wanted me to have it for my last day. Mary Jane said she had just called my office phone and left a voicemail message to come and pick it up. I told her that I hadn't gone up to my office yet and only came to the admin office in hopes to get a United Way sticker and I laughed. She said, "Really? We don’t have those here. I was wondering how you got here so fast after listening my message when I saw you standing there." Strange thing is, she's never seen me before….I told her that was just really strange how this all happened. She said she just looked at me and thought oh that's Fatima, very calmly. I think I just might love Mary Jane.

I peeked into the box and saw something very familiar. It was a glass swan with a rose it in. Why was this familiar to me? Because a few years ago, I received the same thing from my mom. She just brought it home one day to give to me-- for no reason. I got to my office and took it out of the box and looked at it and it was just too strange for me. I had that glass swan in my room for years and finally one day I packed it up and put it in storage. What are the odds that someone would give me that exact swan? Now I have two.

I got a couple thoughtful parting gifts that I really didn’t expect. It really made me feel like I made a difference in the short time I was there. One of the HR ladies in the office came to say goodbye to me and hugged me and told me she would be very interested in knowing where I end up and what becomes of me. She said she really enjoyed working with me. She is very much a motherly type. I have to admit, I almost cried, my eyes filled up with tears. When people say nice things to me like that, it's so powerful to me, that's why it moves me I guess. I packed up the last of my things, which was hardly anything at all, and said a couple more goodbyes. I don't particularly enjoy goodbyes, and I have been thinking about why that is and why I get emotional when people say nice things to me. I never really thought about it before but it makes sense to me now. It's because I easily love people. What I mean is that I just learn to love the people I meet or work with or somehow connect with. Even if they are a part of my life for a short moment in time. They mean something to me, I learn things from them that they probably don't even realize they are teaching me. They are a part of my life. It's one of my greatest sources of joy, but also one of sorrow because I find that as much as I let in, I have to let go.

I gathered my things and picked up the little cardboard box containing the glass swan. I stood in the doorway of my office and stopped and took one last look, one last breath before closing the door for the last time.

I stepped outside and as the tears welled up. I felt a little sad but then a sense of relief. Because, in many respects, I was leaving with more than what I came here with. And that felt good and I was thankful.

I drove to up to the parking attendant, Ken to pay my way out of the lot and Ken greeted me with the usual, "How is Fatima today?" I told him that it was my last day & we exchanged a few pleasantries. The last thing he said to me was, "I think I will see you again." That's just the way Ken is.

P.S- Andrea, speaking of profound movie experiences, you should go see Scared Sacred http://www.scaredsacred.org/ . I finally got to see it over the weekend and for some reason, I thought you would like to see it too. It will be at the Town Cinema on Oct 30th or 31st. Everyone should check it out, this is something worth seeing